G
The holidays were upon us
C
And things were going fine
G
Til the day I heard the doorbell
     A .                D
And a chill ran up my spine
   G
I grabbed the wife and children
      C
As the postman wheeled it in
    G
A yearly Christmas nightmare
     A .            D
Has just come back again

[Chorus]
      G
It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
   C
Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky
   G
One's enough to get the whole state of
             A .             D
Kentucky a great big belly ache
          G
It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys
    C
Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky
   G
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque

      A              D
Grandma's killer fruitcake

[Verse]
      G
Now, I had to swallow some marginal fare
   C
At our famiy feast
    G
I even downed Aunt Possum Pie
          A .              D
Just to keep the family peace
     G
I winced at Wilma's Gizzard Mousse
     C
But said it tasted fine

        G
But, that lethal weapon Grandma baked
     A .              D
Is where I drawn the line

[Chorus]
         G
It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
    C
Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky
   G
One's enough to get the whole state of
               A .          D
Kentucky a great big belly ache
        G
It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys
   C
Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky
   G
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque
    A                 D
Grandma's killer fruitcakE

[Outro]
   G                               C
It's early Christmas Morning The phone rings us awake
      G                             A .              D
It's granma pa she wants to know  How'd we like her cake
   G .                                     C
Well grandma, I nevcer, Uh we couldn't, It was unbeliveable thats for shure
    G                                  A                    D
What's that you say, Oh no grandma, Puh-leez don't send us more.