Do I keep secrets or do they keep me?

Let me explain what I mean when I say
I never thought that I'd end up here
Driving in circles and eating when I'm full
Just to fill the years

I'm down and I'm out then I'm down again
I'll go for a walk when my head starts to spin
I could list every crime
Every wandering eye
All the hands I didn't want near me
But it's not that easy

Do I keep secrets or do they keep me?
Will I be quiet for eternity?

I'd go swimming in my bed with words I left unsaid
Let them drown me out
I'll do wrong on purpose
Pretend I'm not nervous
For when my head hits the ground

I am older but I'm none the wiser
And I'm nauseous from all the reminders
I will not come to terms
I would rather eat dirt
Then admit the things that I see in my sleep
On my knees till I bleed

Do I keep secrets or do they keep me?
And can you tell that I'm lying through my teeth?

Send me out to space
Where everything is quiet
I'll burst into flames
And I'll like it
All the quiet